Jaalil and Josh

We live in a deficits-based society. For even a “normal” person, that can be hard to take sometimes, but for one who is already wounded, those deficit labels can define his identity and determine his destiny. Kids in lock-up often fall into this category. Most of them come into the system as a result of pain-based behavior, deeply wounded children whose youth belies their experiences. As a result they rarely discover their strengths.

One night just before Christmas I taught a Bible study at the Gwinnett RYDC. At this facility we partner with another group of volunteers and we typically have 2 hours with the kids, the last hour as one-on-one time. My usual routine at this facility is to do a skit with the help of some of the kids, and that night was no exception. A young man named Jaalil had helped with the skit and was still sitting up front with me after the lesson, so it was a natural fit that we ended up together for the one-on-one time. He and I were already pretty deep into our conversation when another young man got up from across the room and made an intentional choice to join us. I sat between Jaalil and Josh but to be perfectly honest, I was more focused on Jaalil and almost felt that Josh had intruded in some way on our serious conversation. It didn’t take God long to show me that my ways were not His ways.

After looking at several scripture passages to help answer some of their questions, our conversation turned to their goals after release. Jaalil had admirable goals and we discussed steps to get him there, but when I turned to ask Josh what he wanted to do with his life, all I got in response was a blank stare. Slowly he began to tell me that he didn’t really have a vision for his life because he had learning disabilities, bi-polar disorder, ADHD, and a host of other maladies with which he had been labeled, including PTSD as a result of his witnessing his dad murder his mother when he was five. Clearly this was a kid whose deficits defined him.

With a silent prayer for direction, I looked at Josh through new lenses and asked, “What are your strengths?” He sat silently and looked back at me with empty eyes. I restated the question. “What are you good at? What do people like about you?” Still nothing. Then on impulse I took the risk. I turned to Jaalil and asked, “Jaalil, can you tell Josh his strengths?” The next few moments were a beautiful outpouring of hope on a wounded child as Jaalil told Josh that he was smart, creative, funny, and energetic and gave him examples to prove it. I just listened and observed with a thankful heart. When Jaalil finished, I turned to Josh and asked quietly, “How does that make you feel?” With a huge smile that lit up his face and his spirit Josh answered simply, “Happy. Very happy.”

How much better would our world be if we focused on each other’s strengths rather than our deficits! Please join me in praying that God will continue to use the memory of those few beautiful moments to encourage Josh in his faith walk and that Jaalil will “refresh others and himself be refreshed” (Proverbs 11:25).